Tomorrow, Tomorrow...

A message on the answering machine from the hospital told us that my check-in time changed from 7 a.m. to 5 a.m. so we had to get the kids ready tonight and get them packed up to stay the night with their grandparents. Talia is excited about going to Legoland with Camp Torreys tomorrow, Iliana is exhausted and was not in the best of moods and I am nervous. I had Stefan take the girls out to dinner because I just didn't want to be around food - also, I didn't want them to be around me because I'm very nervous. Nervous about the mortality rate (1 in 2000) and nervous about this new "thing" inside of me - my new tool to help me with my food battle.

One of my sister-friends, Susan, came over tonight and dropped off a care package of wonderful items and to give me a big hug. Items like those crazy socks that prevent blood clots, epsom salts, a heating pad, magazines, and just a host of other thoughtful gifts to help in my recovery. I went up to the shower - scrubbed down with my pre-op scrubber and cried. I cried because I feel blessed to have a wonderful family and friends who are like family. I cried because I'm nervous. I cried about the "what-ifs." And I cried because I'm excited about the hope this brings. I took my wedding rings off, tucked them in a drawer with a note to my family and finished my surgery packing.

Stefan took photos of me - boy, he needs photo lessons. But they really show "me" - in all my bigness - the real me. The old me. The once fat me.