Saints Day and Serious

Here I am. I am still in the game, visiting Dr. Ellner, monthly and going to group (about every other month) but doing lazy things - bad eating habits, large quantities (that is why I got filled today), AND being lazy with heavy/then little/then no exercise.  Is this why I got surgery? 

I'm excited that Dr. Ellner gave me the fill to remind me (physically) of how I should be eating. 

A quote from the beloved (only by me) movie, "Galaxy Quest,"  "Never Give Up, Never Surrender!"

Oh There You Are!

Feeling a bit bad that I haven't updated in awhile.  I know I've been a bit depressed about the hair loss and now, weight gain but I'm refocused. My hair was all silver for awhile but now has black growing back.  There are still big patches that are bald but there is noticeable growth. 

One of the things that makes me sad is at LEAST once a week, a beautiful lady will ask if I'm going through chemo because I usually have my head scarf on.  When I reply, "no," I then ask how they're doing.  These wonderful women share their chemo or cancer story with me.  Our exchange is usually short but I am so grateful for their bravery and the part that makes me sad is thinking about their struggles.  I am reminded that I am sick as well but I just don't have cancer. 

Today was my year check up with Dr. Ellner.  I have gained weight and am actually down this month from last month's eating binges.  I'm heading the right direction.  I thought before that I only wanted a healthy heart but I really do want to be thinner.  I will admit it now.  But now I have to work for it.  Dr. Ellner gave me a fill today and said my blood work looks good.  I need to be better about taking my vitamins and meds. 

This weekend is Slava for our family.  I am so grateful to be blessed with a wonderful family.  We are blessed to have one another.  Even though Father won't be at the house for the celebration, I hope we're able to have a kolach and zhito or at least a prayer to remember all our Vukotich family members.  I'm just so grateful that we'll all be together.

We had a wonderful dinner last night that Stefan made for his mom, Dan, and our visiting distant relative, Isha, who is visiting from Holland.  It was fun to take her birthday shopping for bath products.  This weekend we're with the Vukotich/Dabkovich side of the family and Sunday we're doing Iliana's belated birthday celebration for her little buddies, at Build-a-Bear.  It will be busy these next few days but so much fun.

After all is said and done, all we have is what we leave behind - full hearts and wonderful memories.  This lapband journey is going to buy me a few more years to be able to make more memories.

Holy Shmoly!

On a historic day like today with the Dalai Lama visiting San Diego, I found it nice to reflect on where I am and at my almost 9th band-iversary, get a fill.  My monthly appointment with Dr. Ellner was moved up a week because I really wanted to get refilled.  I need it, more than that - I wanted it. 

I am down a pound from last month woo hoo but my blood work shows that my B12 is down to a level at around 400 and Dr. Ellner says that around 700 is where most people generally feel, "good."  This would explain why I have been feeling so down and very low energy these last two weeks.  I ordered a new B12 sub lingual B12 that should arrive this week.  I'm still waiting on my test results of my Vitamin D results and Calcium level results. 

So I received a "refill" of 1.5 mL and I'm excited about how full I'll feel when I'm able to start eating again on Friday.  

Regarding my hair, it is growing back and I did show Dr. Ellner.  The one thing about my hair that is weird that she wants me to ask Dr. Gilboa (my Determatologist) about is why is my hair (head, arm, leg, everywhere) growing back, white.  There are very few hairs growing back black or dark.  A majority of the hair is stark white.  There are still places that are void of hair but the hair that IS growing back is slow and void of color. 

His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama is in San Diego for two days speaking about Compassion, Global Impact of Climate Change, Peace and Universal Ethics - Compassion Without Borders is the name of the tour and I feel lucky because even though I wasn't lucky enough to attend in person, I am able (through the wonderful technology of today) to watch via the web through live streaming and I have a great seat.  What a treat and it makes me think of my own inner peace and my peace with others.

March Madness!

So here I am.  Adventures of hair loss and Lap-Bander.  I went in for my 8th month follow up with Dr. Ellner on March 28th with my status update of not yet feeling full, even with the last fill.  She said there is sometimes "back squirt" - like a little leakage that occurs when one is getting a fill.  So I'm supposed to be at 8.5 ccs and Dr. Ellner actually unfilled my entire band and it showed that I was only 6.5 ccs full which confirmed, back squirt.  So she filled me to 8.5 ccs and I thought I was OK.  I loved the "full feeling."  I did however have complications (darn it). 

At Disneyland, with friends on April 4th, I was eating lunch and got stuck, felt my mouth get foamy and that horrible saliva frothing that I only read about on LapBandTalk.com.  I then ran to the closest bathroom to  cough up and throw up.  I felt fine after that but yuck.  A little pain in the band area but all-in-all fine.  I did however notice that I couldn't take big gulps of drink.  I would feel it get stuck.  I forced myself to ignore it because I loved that I was finally feeling restriction.

On Thursday, April 5th, I was eating a flour tortilla for lunch and took a drink of water and once again felt the frothing and yuckiness which caused me to have to expel again.  Once again, I didn't want to call the doctor right away in hopes that I could just work through this but I knew after I tried to take another sip of water and it was hard to get down that I would have to call.  I waited until the next morning to make the call.

Friday, April 6th - The doctor is not in her office that day but does emergency calls from another office, if needed.  I called Dr. Ellner's office and I was told that I needed to get fluid removed to loosen up the band.  I met Dr. Ellner within the hour and she was so nice and understanding about what I was going through.  She removed a full 2 ccs because she said the swelling needed to go down in my stomach before she could refill.  She said she could probably refill back up to 1.5 ccs but that 2 ccs was probably too much.

Now for the hair issue.  Hubby and I were just reviewing the photos and could not believe how much hair I've lost in a month.  I had appointment number two last week with the dermatologist for the steroid shots.  Horribly painful - I stopped counting after 30 shots in my head.  I think there were about 10 more after I stopped counting.  I am also going to acupuncture every two weeks as well as continuing the Rogaine regiment twice a day.  I am however very lazy when it comes to take the oral meds.  I hate taking them.

Hair Today...Gone Tomrorow

Today was a day that I wish I could have handled differently. I went to the Determatologist, Dr. Gilboa, and she confirmed I have Telogen Effluvium.  Because of the light in the bathroom and the flash from my cell phone, the photos show a much exaggerated look (more scalp) but it really is this bad.  Along with Dr. Galboa confirming my condition (of which she has seen in her 22 years of practice, only one case of hair not growing back at all),she suggested we start a regiment of steroid head injections and Men's Rogaine twice a day for an indefinite time.  After barely touching my hair and taking a look at my scalp, she was able to tell me that I am still in the hair loss phase but what she couldn't tell me is how long this would last.  She did answer me when I asked if there was a possibility of losing all my hair and her answer was, "maybe."  Dr. Gilboa told me that I couldn't dye my hair and that the best thing to do was touch it as little as possible.

I was then escorted to another room and prepped by laying on a table as a syringe was filled and she stuck me about 30 times all over my tender head and tried to make small talk.  I answered back politely and after the painful ordeal, I made my next appointment for another round of steroid head shots for next month.  I then walked outside and started to cry.

After reaching my car, I started to sob.  A little of the tears spilled was because I was mad for feeling sorry for myself.  It's just hair.  I start my bi-daily Rogaine regiment tomorrow, I've had my steroid shots to stimulate my scalp and I'm going for acupuncture to help with my body's stress level - I'm doing all I can possibly do on my end to help.

I did go back to work and all was fine as I went through the day.  The day ended with my "Weigh 2 Eat" Group Therapy session for Emotional Eating.  Today's topic was lead by a Nutritionist talking about a balanced, mindful eating, way of approaching food and how malnutrition could contribute to factors that cause the body stress. 

I had Stefan look at my head and he could see a bunch of holes (some a little bloody). My head does still hurt and is very, very tender. Alot like my esteem and feelings right now. I'm also irritated because people are feeling sorry for me.  I can do that myself. 

Tell Me About Telogen...

Telogen Effluvium - Hair loss caused by traumatic stress to the body either physical or psychological. I saw my primary care physician on Thursday and he is pretty sure it is Telogen Effluvium. The condition is reversible but I could continue losing hair up to a year.  My blood results show that my thyroid levels are fine so my hormones are ruled out as the culprit.  Dr. Huynh referred me to a dermatologist for confirmation on the condition so I should hear back sometime this week. I've also reached out to Julie Chang at Zen Acupuncture because of the success I've had with acupuncture in the past, to see if acupuncture could help de-stress my body and get things restarted with the hair growth.

I picked up a couple of head scarves this weekend and a hat.  I even posted on fb to my friends about going wig shopping.  Everyone responded back with such kind words. It is after all only hair but as my dearest friend, Jill, confirmed, it's like I've lost 4/5 of my hair.  It is very very thin.

I saw Dr. Ellner for my 7 month follow up today.  I received a 1 mL fill today which brings my band up to 8.5 mL full.  I won't get to eat again until Wednesday so we'll see how I feel.  I've also joined Dr. Shapiro's Weigh 2 Eat counseling group, a 16-week program addressing emotional eating.  The group started on Valentine's Day and will meet until the end of May.  I haven't lost any weight but I'm just trying to get my body and mind in the right place. Right now, the hair-loss and de-stressing my body is priority one.  As long as I'm not gaining weight, I'll be OK...for now. 

Up...Down...Finding the Balance

I have been dwelling on my weight gain, knowing full well that I am responsible for picking up the food and putting it in my mouth but I realized after looking at my weight loss ticker that I haven't been this heavy since July.  I am shocked to think that in two weeks time, I could seriously sabotage my body enough to gain 8 pounds.  Scary, right? 

I am putting this train back on the right track with all I talked about and my YMCA fitness trainer session happens tonight.  I also plan on doing Zumba tonight with the kiddos.  If anything, they can get a good laugh. 

I am exactly 29 lbs. down and have 29 lbs. to lose to my goal weight.  I am going to meet that goal by Dec 2012!  I feel like I'm teetering and could easily go back up but the right thing is to win this battle and go down.  I love thinking that I'm on a teeter totter and that I have to counter the "fat May."